you traded sex for a burrito?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
