i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
