i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
