PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
