my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
