This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
