I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
