I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
