The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize