my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize