Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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