I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
