He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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