dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
