well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I love you. Go after that dick
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
