Whod you bang
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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