There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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