you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
