Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
