where am i from again
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
