The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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