my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
