some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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