I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I enjoy the company of your penis
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
