I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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