I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize