just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
