Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
