Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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