i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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