Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
