meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
