I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
His nipple licking is glorious
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