We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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