Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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