i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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