I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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