All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
