Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
