I hate your face
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
