a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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