laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
