you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
