My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
