5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
