I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
