do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
