I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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