maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
