Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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