I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize