Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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