That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
