yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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