Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
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