omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize