I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
