"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
