You can't motorboat a personality
sarcasm needs its own font
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
