i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
