you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize