Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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