we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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