The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We need to get me chipped asap
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
