dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
