It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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