he puts the penis in happiness.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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