***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize