I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
