im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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