i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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