my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
